A short break seems to alleviate that fear enough that they go ahead and admit the ugly truth.Which, as we know from our own slipups, is the first step to apologizing—and figuring out how to avoid the inadvisable act next time. Both of you could sit there expressing opinions all night.Not so, says University of Chicago Booth School of Business professor Nicholas Epley.In his study of 104 couples, he asked one partner to predict how the other would respond to questions on everything from the use of cash to biggest life regret.Some of the spouses simply guessed (e.g.,"Ernie would never use a credit card! Others had to write about a typical day in their partner's life, and then "put themselves in his or her shoes" before predicting (e.g., "Ernie works so hard all day at the bank, and he resents even paying five dollars for lunch; he would never use a credit card.") The result: Those who tried to imagine the other's perspective were less accurate than those who winged it—confirming Epley's real-life experience of giving his dolphin-loving wife a day of caring for the animals at the aquarium, not realizing that, since she'd just had a baby, she would not enjoy the binding, full-body wetsuit.While understanding that your partner may have a different take than you is helpful, he writes in Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want, you don't always imagine your partner's actual "different take." The best way to get your partner's point of view, he says, is to simply—oh yes, you saw this coming—ask for it.... Because sure, you want to pounce on him when you catch him in a jerky act—smoking a cigarette out the window?
READ MORE Kezia is the world’s leading female dating and attraction expert for men.Trying to see a situation from your spouse's perspective is supposed to be a good thing, right?You get a snapshot of his or her feelings and thus can be more understanding and empathetic.taking a catnap while your toddler plays video games on his cell phone? And not just to calm yourself down, either, though that's a helpful side effect.
Experiments by Harvard researchers, writes Epley, demonstrated that when questioned immediately post-bust, people tended to lie due to their dread of punishment.You two need to decide on something big together: Should you buy that house? Or you could borrow a technique suggested by Chris Ertel and Lisa Kay Solomon, who consult with corporations on how to plan strategic meetings.